Thoughts After Watching the Handmaid’s Tale with My Boyfriend

There are probably a hundred blogs and articles that you could read that tell you how AMAZING The Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu is and how it’s a must watch and analyze it through a much more critical lens than I. But while I’m definitely going to tell you, “YES! Please watch it!” What I felt like would be the most beneficial dialogue I could bring to the table is my own personal experience.

In the summer of 2007 between my junior and senior year in high school, I had a reading assignment for my Advanced Composition course where we were given several lists of books on certain themes and we needed to read a set number from each list and write reflection pieces on them.

To be honest, this was my first foray into “adult” writing. I’ve always been a fan of young adult and fantasy literature and that’s pretty much all I read for fun up until to that point. But this assignment made me read some really amazing and thought-provoking literature. To this day, I still consider many of them to be among my favorite and most informative books. (Some examples include The Stolen Child by Keith Donohue, Ishmael by Daniel Quinn, and How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents by Julia Alvarez). But the book that influenced me the most was undoubtedly Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale. It was the first book I ever read that depicted sex (and a rather unsexy version at that). It was first time I saw the everyday injustices of being a woman. It was the first time I began to fear what the government (or really any group with unchecked power) could do to me. And so despite it’s dark subject matter, it became one of my all time favorite books. A choice which when people asked me to list my favorite books was always confusing or appalling to them.

So 10 years later, when a television adaptation premiered on Hulu, I was so ready for it. But there was also a part of me that was terrified of it. The show was in production before Donald Trump won the presidency but somehow it couldn’t have been more timely of a release. It’s message is an important warning for our current political and cultural climate. And if adamant Trump supporters and those on the far-right want to know what these “snowflake women” are afraid of, it’s the universe in The Handmaid’s Tale. A world that seems so insane that it couldn’t be possible and yet, somehow, came to be when people stopped watching. When they got too comfortable. When they thought they already had all the rights they could ever need.

But you just don’t realize how quickly everything you’ve taken for granted can be taken away from you until they’re already gone and you’re dressed in a red with your skull bumping against a strange woman’s crotch as her husband tries to impregnate you.

Watching Hulu’s adaptation was a must for me, and I convinced my boyfriend to join me because I felt like it’s required watching in these times. While I knew the story and would have watched to the end no matter what, he was hooked after the first episode because it was just so INTENSE. And watching it became our weekly, much-looked-forward-to ritual. (He lovingly referred to it as “The Handbride’s Tale” in order to lighten the mood). And when we finished the series last week, I’d come to the following conclusions:

  • I’m so very glad that the world of The Handmaid’s Tale disturbed him as much as it does me. I’ve seen that this hasn’t been the case for everyone who’s watched with their husband/significant other. The feeling of mutual horror is important to validate the fear one has of this actually happening.
  • He kept waiting for the action which I thought was indicative of his love for post-apocalyptic and dystopian stories. But what’s really surprising about The Handmaid’s Tale is how many rights get stripped away with so little fight. And the fact that the story is from the point-of-view of a normal woman. That while there is violence that happens (e.g. the bombing of the Senate and the House), so little directly happens to our protagonist. It’s the fear that keeps people in check and allows this theocracy to take over.
  • It was interesting to watch with someone who didn’t have any preconceived notions about the story. I was always surprised if he correctly guessed what would happen next. But because the series expands upon the original world of the book, giving us more perspectives from Luke to Ofglen/Emily to Moira to Serena Joy, we also had several discussions about what was “assumed” when reading the book to what was shown in the series and how it affected our views.
  • Finally, we never discussed the fact that the Commander and Serena Joy are originally written to be much older than they ultimately were portrayed in the series. It does make me wonder what my boyfriend’s reaction would have been to the same situation had the Commander not been the relatively swarmy Joseph Fiennes but instead a much older actor. I do wonder if his “appalled meter” could have gone any higher.

So if you haven’t watched The Handmaid’s Tale yet, get a Hulu free trial and binge that thing! If you have, I’d be interested to know what your thoughts and experiences while watching it were. Let me know in the comments!


Why Stitchers is the Absolute BEST!

In a surprising twist of events, one of my favorite shows Stitchers on Freeform (which has had moderate views and ratings for two seasons despite being jerked around in timeslots and days) has premiered with a 3rd season!  This is extremely exciting for me because it’s 1.) An amazing show and 2.) Has a passionate fanbase.  And I think during the radio silence between season 2 and the announcement of season 3 when that fanbase was reluctantly coming to the realization that our favorite show might be canceled and cried out for renewal, we actually helped influence Freeform’s decision to renew. We might be a smaller fandom but we sure are full of spunk!

I’m so happy that Freeform took a chance on a third season for Stitchers, and I wanted to share my love with you (as inspired by gifs) so that you might discover the awesomeness that is Stitchers with me!

1.) It’s full of badass ladies.

This gif pretty well sums up why this show is awesome. The ladies do the dirty work. And Kirsten is just one of them.

2.) Men of Science

Linus and Cameron are the nerdy dream team. I want these Men of Science with me if I’m ever having to solve crimes by stitching into the brains of dead people.

3.) All the nerdy references you could ever want

Cameron is simultaneously a doofus and heartthrob. And anytime you throw in a Back to the Future reference I’m a happy gal.

4.) Just Camille.

She’s got so much wit and sass. I aspire to be Camille in my everyday life. She doesn’t take sh*t from anybody.

5.) The best cast ever.

Stitchers Season 3 opens with Kirsten’s team in jeopardy. She outright refuses to work without them and goes on a mission to save them. If you’ve watched Stitchers you know why. From Maggie Bapiste, an ex-CIA assassin and now the leader of the Stitchers program to Detective Fisher, an LAPD officer recruited into the Stitchers program to the rest of the Stitchers lab team, the Stitchers world is filled with awesome and compelling characters.

6.) Sci-Fi Crime Procedural Drama

Science Fiction + the NSA? Seems outlandish, right? However, it works because the characters themselves usually feel like it’s a bit crazy too. But who’s not going to whip out an NSA badge if the times comes?

7.) BFFs not Frenemies

Stitchers begins with Camille and Kirsten at odds. They’re too brainiac girls from CalTech and you might think that this catty dynamic will be central to the show. Turns out uber competitive and smart girls CAN get along and love one another in their own odd ways (even when one of them is incapable of emotion for the first season). I love their friendship. And I love how Freeform portrays it.

8.) Linus and his family storyline

There is life outside the Stitchers lab, and this became incredibly obvious to poor Linus in Season 2 when his dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Ritesh Rajan does an all-star job showing the emotion of a young adult who’s got his professional life all figured out but a chip on his shoulder in relation to his family, dealing with this real life drama.

9.) The way Kyle Harris looks at Emma Ishta

Oh gosh…just…MY HEART!

10.) #Camsten

Very rarely do I start a series and from day one am I completely gung-ho about a ship. But with Camsten, I just can’t even! They’re such a perfect pair, it’s crazy! And I’m hoping to get some great Camsten payoff in season 3 after these last two seasons of angst!

So guys if you haven’t already checked it out:

Also if you’re looking for the basic run down of the plot check out blog on the show pre-season 2 here, and my video about season 1 below!



Celebrating Women | International Women’s Day 2017

A day like today has never seemed so important, but the current social and political climate has made the desire to celebrate women and the privileges I benefit from on a daily basis that were hard-fought and won by women who would not just sit down and shut up and let the men do the governing/voting/working/”insert thing women have been told not to do because it’s a man’s thing.”  Because I have so many more privileges than say, women in the 1950s or 1850s or, dare I say it, 1450s *shivers,* I can see how easy it would be to say, “Women are already equal! Stop whining and moaning for no reason!” I can see how it might look like women are 100% equal from certain point-of-views (both male and female!) I can see how rally cries against something that you don’t see as a problem or even existing can be exhausting.

But I also know how exhausting it is to be a woman in today’s society. No matter the rights that have been won for me, there is still so much work to be done. (And so much work to do to keep the rights that were previously won too!)  It comes in many different forms.  Organizing rallies and protests for the activist soul. Teaching your children how to recognize and understand sexism’s historical and current influence on our society. (This sounds lofty, but it’s really as simple as “Hey, did you know women AND men can make sandwiches? For each other even!”) Making art that portrays your experience or calls out wrongs you see in the world. Leading by example in whatever field you might be working.

I’ve thought a lot about what I want to say today on this topic, and my problem is that there’s too much! But most of it is calling out wrongs, and I’ve found that when I do that, while I might connect with a few, the louder voices always seem to be those who so viscerally disagree with me that rather than trying to understand my point-of-view, they call me names and dismiss me because of the way I look or something related to my gender. So rather than opening that proverbial can of worms, I thought I’d throw some confetti in the air and celebrate women with a few truths I like to hold close to my heart.


We are all our own superheroes. Don’t ever let anyone beat you down to the point of convincing you otherwise.

Women helping women is a beautiful and powerful thing. (This is something that took me a long time to realize because I didn’t understand “sisterhood” until I actually made close, REAL female friends. I think it’s completely possible for a woman to go through life without really connecting with or trusting other women. And I’m so glad that I was able to crawl out of that terrible, lonely hole).

All bodies are beautiful. All colors. All sizes. Every jiggle or scar or muscle or patch of hair. They are also not inherently sexual, no matter their level of covering. Take back your body. Love your body for what it is and how you wish to wear it.

In other words, love yourself. Love others. Make the world a better place by being the truest version of you.


Sailor Moon and the Power of Female Friendship


One of the things I include in “My Favorite Things” video is Sailor Moon, and as I was editing down my passion-filled ravings to fit in the allotted video time, I realized that my love for Sailor Moon deserves a bit more than a shout-out in a video. It’s still one of my favorite things to this day. (And I eagerly await the next season of Sailor Moon Crystal). But it was also an extremely influential part of my childhood.

I had a hard time making female friends growing up. Scratch that. I still have a hard time making female friends, but at least now I have a greater understanding for what’s causing it than I did when I was a kid. As an awkward 11-year-old, I felt like a fish out of water with large groups of girls. Sometimes I would make a connection with one girl for a while, but eventually my “best friend” would (from my perspective) be stolen away by another “cooler” girl or group. I was inconsolably lonely for a long time. I knew female friendship was important from an objective point-of-view, but I just couldn’t seem to find other girls who I authentically connected with.

I had female “friends.” I was invited to various sleepovers and pool parties and birthday celebrations over the years. But I always remember being a bit of an outsider no matter how hard I tried to connect or the other girls attempted to be accepting. I remember one sleepover with a group of girls I considered to be the “popular” crowd when I was 8 or 9. They watched the Spice Girls and performed their own choreography to the music and snuck into some of their mom’s makeup and gave each other makeovers and had a fashion show. I remember feeling so very out of place. I’d never heard of the Spice Girls (i.e. I was pretty sheltered). I knew I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup or short-shorts. And even though this was all just fun and games into the late-night, it felt like a violation of my core values. Even though I wanted to fit in and have friends, this wasn’t the way I felt comfortable doing it.

Instead, I spent a large portion of my childhood and teen years imagining what my “real” best friends would be like. While I couldn’t seem to find a best friend in my everyday life, I was still convinced that she was out there. There were just dark forces keeping us apart like in my favorite TV shows and movies.

Consequently, I devoured the magical girl genre–in anime, books, and movies. And Sailor Moon was always at the forefront. It was a much less distressing idea to my fantasy-obsessed child self that dark forces were separating me from my true friends rather than accepting that I didn’t have any female friends.

Instead, I drew cartoon sketches of how my imagined friends would look and wrote detailed notes about their likes and dislikes, taste in fashion and TV, and of course, their magical powers. I imagined stories for us: how we would find one another, how we would save the world, what our nemesis would be like. Essentially, I reconciled my loneliness and lack of female companionship with the tools that shows like Sailor Moon gave me. That I was a special “magical girl” and I would find my friends and place in the world once I came into my magical powers.


Maybe it seems sad to you. Maybe you had a really amazing childhood with close friends or you didn’t feel as outcast as I did by struggling to make friends so this seems a little foreign to you.  But for me, even though my “best friends” as a child were imagined magical girls inspired by anime, Sailor Moon gave me peace. I struggled a lot with the need to be loved and accepted but also my inherent desire to be myself and invariably stand-out. And I was in the unfortunate situation of not finding the connection I desperately wanted with other girls despite how much I craved it.

So I never became a magical girl (at least not yet!), but I did find female friends as I grew older (especially once I went to college). And I found what Sailor Moon had taught me about female friendship still held true.

That it’s not about finding people that are exactly like you, but rather finding those girls who compliment you. (And no I don’t mean “Oh I love you outfit” kind of compliments). What was cool about Sailor Moon was that the Sailor Scouts each had their own unique powers and personality and they were always more powerful when combined. Two Usagi’s would probably destroy the world rather than save it (she’s just a bit too clumsy, ya know?) But throw in Ami, Rei, Makoto, and Minako, and you have a pretty powerful team.

When I started to understand female friendship this way, I felt like I really began to grow as a friend to other women. Because of the experiences I had as a kid and tween, I was fearful of trusting my friendship with other women for a long time. I always assumed I would be quickly and easily judged unworthy or weird and cast aside for someone else. But I started to learn that my weirdness (rather my uniqueness, one might even say, my “magical power”) was valuable to a friendship. Because these other girls had their own weirdness/uniqueness too. We had our similarities (in Sailor Moon it’s a love for Sailor V and the need to save the universe) like wanting to make movies or loving to sing or having the same favorite color or being introverts which initially brought us together. But it was our “magical powers” that grew our friendship as we learned more about each other and from each other.

Women and especially female friendship is many times characterized by cattiness and backstabbing. And it generally just sounds unpleasant. Like women can’t actually be friends because it’s all a competition for who’s the prettiest and can get the most guys to chase after her. I know there are women that do this. But this is not true female friendship. It’s far more powerful and meaningful than that. It’s really just as magical as the Sailor Scouts if you learn to be open and loving and celebrate other women’s “magic” rather than tear it down, cast it out, or label it as undesirable.

So this is a story about a girl who couldn’t find a connection with other girls like she so desired. But who, over time, learned about the “magic” in each of us and started to trust and respond to others who also recognized it. And in doing so, found other women who inspired and awed her. And made up her own magical girl gang. 🙂




From Princess to General // RIP Carrie Fisher


I became a Star Wars fan a bit later in life. A Star Wars-obsessed college boyfriend introduced me to the series officially when I was 19, and I immensely enjoyed some of the kitschy aspect of it for a few years as part of our relationship. It was fun to be nerdy and cute together. But with the release of The Force Awakens in December 2015, the true Star Wars fan in me was awoken as Parker and I re-watched the original Star Wars trilogy at the beginning of 2016 and found ourselves researching Star Wars lore and generally getting much more interested in the series than we ever had before.

So after hearing that Carrie Fisher had passed away on Tuesday morning, I found myself reflecting on her role in the Star Wars universe, and what it meant for me and many other women and girls. What I loved about Princess Leia is that while she might have been a princess in name and title, she was not your typical fairytale or Disney princess. She fought hard in the front lines with the boys. She was sassy and smart-talking, and she could hold her own against the villains like Luke or Han.

But what I loved more than anything was that she was present in The Force Awakens, and while she would always be a princess to Star Wars fans, she was now a General.  She was also now older with the normal wrinkles and grey hairs and extra weight around the middle. She was the princess AFTER the “Happily Ever After.”  The Princess that becomes the Queen (or in this case, the General which is infinitely even more badass).  Very rarely do we see the princess after she’s survived the trials of her fairytale, which is why I loved General Leia possibly even more than I loved Princess Leia. Because I want to be as amazing and badass as General Leia is when I grow up. Someone who’s gone through her child rejecting her and murdering people, her twin brother disappearing, and her husband abandoning her out of shame and despair.  Someone who fought against the Empire and the Dark Side in youth and now in middle age finds that same Darkness threatening the piece of her home again.  That’s a female character to look up to if you ever saw one.

So I mourn the loss of Carrie Fisher too soon.  While there are so many other influences she’s had other than Star Wars (especially in the mental health realm which is especially close to my heart), I mourn the loss of the potential for the character of General Leia which I’m so glad that Carrie had agreed to the Star Wars franchise for.  She will be incredibly missed there and in all the other beautiful facets of her life and influence.


Dealing With Online Stalkers and Creeps

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I am a woman, and I have an online presence. These things do not come without the price of creepy people finding you and trying to get as close to you as possible. I feel like I’ve been pretty fortunate in my 5 years on YouTube to have had as few run-ins with totally creepy people as I’ve had. But recently, one has really made my skin crawl, and I wanted to talk about it and get some outside opinions because I just don’t know anymore.

Meet Adrian, a YouTube commenter with a foot fetish and no sense of boundaries.

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He first started commenting on my videos 10 months ago with pretty harmless things like “What’s her name?” (Which was pretty funny because I literally start every video with “Hello YouTube! Kaitlyn here!”) but quickly devolved into him spamming the comments of my videos with awkward attempts to contact me.

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I usually just ignore comments like this because I know nothing good will come from me responding, and I’d pretty much forgotten about him until last month when suddenly his comments started appearing again and this time they were way more creepy and direct.

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I haven’t responded at all, but his comments have been so absurd/disgusting that some of my subscribers have been responding to him and trying to figure out what’s going on. He’s backed off pretty quickly, saying that he’s just trying to get my attention. But now, every time I upload a new video there’s always a new comment.

Also, as a side note, the best way to convince someone that you’re an overweight bald guy living in your mother’s basement masturbating to YouTube videos of young women giving self-esteem advice is to say you’re not one and in fact, you’re an ex-model. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.Stalker - 4

So now I’m stuck in this rather weird position. Do I block him so I don’t have to see his comments and be creeped out anymore? Do I just keep ignoring his comments and hope he eventually gets bored and moves on to another YouTuber? Is there a third option I’m missing? Unfortunately, there’s not really anything you can do legal-wise when someone stalks you online especially if you have a public online presence. I went to a panel at VidCon a few years back where a female YouTuber recounted how the police told her “Wasn’t she basically asking for this?” by making videos. This was disgusting to me, but I can see how many people would feel this way. Actresses are asking for paparazzi. Online creators are asking for stalkers. Girls in short skirts are asking for rape, right?

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There’s also the underlying worry that if block him, I’ll make him angry. And an angry stalker is 100x scarier than a creepy but satisfied stalker. He wants to think that I’m getting his messages even if I’m not responding. But if I block him, it’s possible he’ll realize that I’m not getting them. In fact, no one is seeing them so my poor, unsuspecting subscribers can’t even accidentally play into his narrative by responding. And I imagine this wouldn’t deter him from trying to reach me, but rather anger and embolden him.

Now, Adrian may just be a creepy commenter with a foot fetish who will eventually get tired of commenting with no response and move on. That’s what I like to hope. But since I started making YouTube videos and intentionally building an audience, I’ve been fearful of when the creepy commenter turns into the angry stalker. You don’t know when it’s going to happen. You can only take so many precautions to protect yourself and your identity from people like that. And many times I even feel guilty for being this fearful. For example, I typically don’t respond to messages that start out with things like “you’re cute” because it makes me skeptical as to why they really want to talk to me. But then I feel bad for ignoring these messages when part of my M.O. as a YouTuber is to be someone people can contact, ask questions, and depend on.

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So I don’t really know what to say. It’s not your fault if someone is stalking you. You can certainly try to protect your personal information as much as possible to keep your real life and identity as separate from your online brand as possible (that’s just common sense). But don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re “asking for it” by having an online presence. And also, as a person who interacts with strangers online, be mindful of what you say and how you say it. Don’t make people uncomfortable—that’s definitely not how to make friends.


Why You Should Watch Stitchers


In case you missed it, last summer “Stitchers” premiered on Freeform (formerly ABC Family) which was the station’s first procedural drama. It follows Kirsten Clark (Emma Ishta) who has the fictional condition of Temporal Dysplasia which causes her to be unable to sense the passing of time. This “disability” actually makes her a unique candidate for a covert government agency called the “Stitchers Program.” Team lead of the program, Maggie Baptiste (Salli Richardson), recruits Kirsten to the program where she is “stitched” into the minds of murdered victims in order to solve crimes with the help of a group of saavy science-oriented 20-somethings, Cameron (Kyle Harris), Linus (Ritesh Rajan), and Camille (Allison Scagliotti).

I was interested in watching this show originally because it looked like a cool science-fiction take on the crime procedural TV drama. So I tried it, and then I was hooked! It has all the fun science fiction and action-packed crime drama that you could want, but my favorite part of the series so far is the quirky cast of characters. So with Stitchers Season 2 premiering at 10 pm on Tuesday March 22nd, I felt like as a Stitchers fan, it was my duty to tell the world how awesome this show is so you can enjoy it too! So here are my Top 10 Reasons You Should Watch Stitchers!

#1: Linus and Camille


They have the best chemistry! It’s quirky and weird, but the episode where Camille meets Linus’s parents because he had told them he had a girlfriend under stressful conditions (he thought he was going to die…) is a heart-melter!

#2: Cameron and Kirsten


I feel like 99% of the people who love Stitchers love it because of the relationship between Cameron and Kirsten. I mean, we start out the entire series with a totally HOT kiss between the two that actually didn’t mean anything at all. But it was great foreshadowing to the potential they have as a couple. Also, the whole series is both about their relationship and not about it at all. It seems counterintuitive to say that, but it’s true! It’s really about their friendship and how Kirsten, as a girl who can’t sense time and therefore can’t truly experience emotion, comes to trust and care for her new coworker.

#3: Kirsten


Kirsten is just a really interesting character. To be totally honest though, she seems like a bitch in the first episode. She’s so detached from the world, but you learn later in the season that’s because of her Temporal Dysplasia which makes her great at stitching but not so much at making friends. Yet somehow she still does find friends through the Stitchers program who genuinely care about her, and we grow to love her just like they do.

#4: Temporal Dysplasia


This is one of those weird made up conditions that sounds just crazy enough to be real. Plus the Stitchers marketing team did an awesome job by actually creating a legitimate-looking (but fake) website explaining the condition and how scientists have studied it. I know from the comments that I wasn’t the first person to be fooled into thinking “well yeah, maybe that IS a real thing!”

#5: Cameron


Cameron is a nerdy neuroscientist heartthrob! He’s smart, sassy, and the leader of the Stitchers team (essentially he “drives” the stitch). Plus he has some mysterious backstory (like that giant scar on his chest from open heart surgery as a child) which has to be explored more in the coming season. And then there’s the fact that he genuinely cares for Kirsten.   She might seem completely crazy at times and can’t properly express emotion, but he’s always got her back.

#6: The Mystery Behind the Stitchers Program


There’s something crazy going on in the dusty and dark rafters of the Stitchers’ program. We know Kirsten is somehow in the center of it, but she doesn’t remember (thanks to her Temporal Dysplasia). Essentially, this show is about way more than seeing the memories of dead people to solve crimes.

#7: Kirsten’s messed up family history


(SPOILER) She was the first person to be stitched. Except her father stitched her into her unconscious (but still alive) mother’s mind which ended up killing her mother and causing Kirsten’s Temporal Dysplasia and loss of her memories. Plus there’s the whole issue with her father and adopted father’s role in the creation of the Stitchers program.

#8: Maggie Baptiste


I didn’t really like Maggie until the last few episodes of Season 1. She’s made out to be the bad guy who has all the answers about the Stitchers program but refuses to give them up even when people’s lives are in danger. But her character really starts to open up in singular scenes later in the season when she’s on the phone with still-unknown characters. You see that she’s got a soft underbelly beneath that spiky and scary government-issued armor.

#9: A Science-Fiction Take on Crime Procedural Dramas


Everybody loves a good crime procedural! I mean, why else have shows like “Criminal Minds” and “Law & Order” and “NCIS” been popular for so many seasons? So why not throw just a little bit of science-fiction into the mix—like seeing dead people’s memories to solve crimes—to mix up that overdone format for a new and younger generation? I think it’s a recipe for awesome!

#10: Camille and Kirsten’s friendship


Camille and Kirsten are roommates. Camille and Kirsten are opposites in every way. Camille is bubbly and full of life. Kirsten is reserved and emotionless. They are not friends when we start this show. In fact, they’re actually enemies since Camille claims that Kirsten has stolen her Caltech thesis work. But their opposite personalities develop over the season to be complimentary rather than opposing so that they have the kind of love-you-hate-you kind of friendship that most shows give to two male characters. It’s a fresh take on female friendship and makes me a little jealous of it!

Right now you can catch up on all 10 episodes from the first season on Freeform’s website and app for free! So binge it now before Season 2 premieres next week! And let me know how excited you are for the new season! The world needs to be watching Stitchers!

Check out the Season 2 Promo here:

And my video on Stitchers Season 1 here: