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Unwed Pregnancy and the Church

Unwed 1           A friend posted an interesting article on Facebook recently about the stigma and sin associated with unwed pregnancy in the Church. I agreed with much of this article (except perhaps the use of “lavish” when describing the baby showers that should be thrown), and when reading it, I realized how much this subject and stigma had unknowingly affected my life. And I thought it would be appropriate and yet daring to share it here.

I remember finding out a girl in my (very tiny) youth group was pregnant. She and her sister were having an emotional argument in the middle of Sunday School one morning when her sister made a comment that stunned the five of us in class into silence as we realized she was insinuating her sister was pregnant. Our Sunday School teacher (a sweet man who felt the intense calling of Jesus and had begun his spiritual journey by taking on our church’s dilapidated youth group) finally gathered his thoughts and tried to mediate between the warring sisters without going into graphic detail. It’s all murky in my memory, but I remember the initial shock and uncomfortable feeling of what to do in the moment.

I’m not sure how I was supposed to react to finding out one of my fellow youth girls was pregnant. The above article gives you some suggestions, although I think they’re more geared towards adults than teens. But the reaction I had was of utter horror. Not for her. But for me. Because what “happened” to her was my worst nightmare. Now granted, I wasn’t having sex. I had a boyfriend who WANTED to have sex, but I was in no way going to do it. Because I was TERRIFIED by it.

Unwed 2           Sex to me meant punishment. Babies were definitely a punishment from God for participating in sexual acts outside of marriage. TV shows popular during my teenage years like “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” only strengthened this belief for me as not one but TWO teenagers got pregnant over the course of the series after having sex for the first time.

Once when I was a senior in high school, I convinced myself I was pregnant although I’d never had sex and got to the point of hysterics and hallucinations. I’d made out with my boyfriend in a pool, and even though the logical side of my brain told me that it wasn’t possible I was pregnant, the emotionally driven side overpowered everything and sent me into a dark pit of fear and despair.

Because to me, being pregnant was the worst thing in the entire world. I can vividly remember one of my mother’s “sex talks” consisting of “If you get pregnant, your grandmother will never forgive you.” Which sounds weird, unless you know my grandmother. She’s the most patient and forgiving woman you’ll ever meet. She has time and again amazed me at her quick forgiveness for my brother whose purpose as a child seemed to be to irritate the ever-living daylights out of everyone around him. He once climbed to the top of my great aunt’s holly tree and then couldn’t get back down. My grandmother spent over an hour outside with him trying to coach the terrified and foolhardy five year old down the tree to safety while debating whether or not she’d have to call the fire department and embarrass herself in front of the neighborhood. I had never seen her so mad at anyone before in my life. But once he was down from the tree, she scolded him for a moment and then it was like it never happened. So to imagine my grandmother never being able to forgive me for the shame I would bring on my family if I got pregnant out of wedlock was horrifying. It seemed incomprehensible. But I also believed it. I knew it would be true.

And so began my fear of pregnancy.

At 25, I have zero intention of ever having children. I came to this decision wholeheartedly when I was 20, and the sense of relief I felt was monumental. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized the kind of weight I’d been carrying around. I know that much of that burden came from my traumatizing experiences with unwed pregnancy shaming in my church and community. My decision was ultimately affected by so many more factors than that (as you can read about here), but I know I have a general aversion to pregnancy and babies because of my teenage experiences and the attitudes I encountered from adults on the subject.

Which is why I found this article so moving. It was the first time I’d ever read or encountered anyone standing up and saying that the whispering and shaming and haughty glances were wrong. But not for the “you shouldn’t gossip or judge” reason (which is true), but for the “being pregnant isn’t a sin even if the original sexual act is considered sinful” reason. To me that was unheard of! It’s phenomenal! It’s groundbreaking! It means being pregnant isn’t a punishment. It means babies aren’t a punishment. It means God doesn’t hate you if you’re pregnant! Perhaps you know all these things already. That’s wonderful, but teenaged Kaitlyn didn’t and now adult Kaitlyn has a hard time accepting these as truths. Which makes me believe there are probably other teens who feel the same way and then grow up and perpetuate this same thought process and judgment, and it becomes a never ending cycle of girls and women who may be unwedded but still wish to celebrate in the life of the child they’re bringing into this world being shamed by other women (and men) who’ve grown up seeing unwed pregnancy as a sin.

So let’s break the cycle. Let’s teach our children (well, those of us who have them) not to judge girls in this way. Let’s teach them appropriate sex education because knowledge is power. (For those that think keeping teens in the dark about sex and preaching “abstinence only” is the best way to prevent teen pregnancy, you need a wake-up call. Perhaps watch John Oliver’s thoughts on the subject here). Let’s celebrate pregnancy and the birth of children no matter their circumstances of conception. They’re here now so let’s love them and their birth mothers who braved a hostile climate to bring them into the world.

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How to Rock Being a College Freshman

College Freshman
In the late summer of 2008, I was exactly where you are now. I was scared senseless at the prospect of college. I was an incoming freshman at the College of William & Mary in beautiful (but steamy hot in late August during move-in) Williamsburg. I didn’t fully understand how registering for classes worked yet. Or how to and if I’d make friends. Or what living on my own would be like. Or if I could survive in a tiny attic dorm room with no air conditioning. I was a complicated mess of tears and anxiety, but I was also incredibly excited because THIS is what I had been working towards in high school. I was finally going to get to break out from under my parents’ fairly strong grip and leave my small town (non-existent) reputation behind. To me, college had always symbolized freedom and adulthood and “getting to live” for the first time. I had all these grand plans! But then reality set in and many of those plans were either complete fantasy (because, well, the world just doesn’t work like that, honey) or I missed out on my opportunities to enact them because of fear.

So if you’re a college freshman this year, then read on! Because I’ve got some tips to help you rock being a college freshman in a way I wish I could have.

  1. Don’t let your parents control your life.

This was one of my biggest struggles. My parents couldn’t let go. And I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. If you’re going away to college (and by that I mean you’ll no longer be living in your parents’ house), you have to set boundaries. I didn’t. I called my parents every day even when I didn’t have time or have anything new to report because they HAD to know that I was safe. I’m very grateful that my parents love me enough that they want to know I’m safe all the time, but I could have made my freshman transition to college a lot smoother if I had found a way to distance myself from my parents pretty early on. A lot of my friends had a certain day of the week that they would call their parents and catch them up on the week which I thought worked really well and envied. My parents weren’t big into texting when I first went away to college so that is also another good solution for freshman now. Rather than calling every day, an “I’m safe and alive and back in my dorm” text every night might be a good way to assuage their fears on a daily basis. Essentially I spent a lot of time alone in my dorm room those first few weeks consoling my parents about me being gone when I wanted to (and should have been) out meeting new people and trying new things. You may not have overprotective parents like mine so this doesn’t sound like a problem, but if you do, just remember that they’ll survive without hearing your voice every day. You just have to be kind but firm upfront when setting communication and visiting boundaries.

  1. Say good-bye to (most) of your old life.

I also spent a lot of time clinging to what little social life I had back home. In my case, it was a boyfriend still in high school struggling to deal with this new long distance relationship and me having all these new experiences. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try to keep a long-distance relationship going when entering college, but I know from my own experience and that of many girls I met in college, these relationships didn’t last long. And it caused a lot of strife for me because, like with my parents, I spent a lot of those first few weeks in my room on the phone with the paranoid boyfriend instead of hanging out with my hall mates which I do credit with my relative “outsider” status on my hall by the end of the first semester. And it’s something I really regret because I think I could have been really good friends with many of those people, but I never gave myself the chance to.

This doesn’t just mean boyfriends either. I would shy away from running home every weekend if you live relatively close by. There are all kinds of excuses for why you “need” to be home. “But I teach a Sunday School class at my home church!” Or “I’m a big influencer in my high school’s choir program and I need to be there for practices.” No. Just no. Find a new church and Sunday school program near your school. Join a college choir or acapella group. Someone once told me that no one is irreplaceable which at the time I thought was really rude and high-strung. But with experience I realize it’s not meant to be hurtful. It’s just a fact of life. Sunday School and your high school choir will go on without you. And you, in the meantime, can find a new, awesome activity or group to commit your talents to.

  1. There’s time for more than just academics.

I’m a super crazy perfectionist most of the time. I struggled with it in high school and vowed to myself that I would be better in college, but then I found I was sequestering myself in my room during first semester midterms and not eating or talking to anyone. And I realized that was not cool. College is an awesome place because not only do you have the opportunity to get a great education and train yourself for your future profession, but there’s also something ALWAYS going on and many times it’s free. (It’s definitely more likely free or cheaper than anything you’ll do in your post-graduate life, let me tell you.) So go to the free movie on Friday night with your hallmates. Or hang out in the quad during a class break instead of running back to your dorm to study. You can study AND socialize that way. Gee, a party once in a while certainly won’t hurt you either.

  1. College classes will be harder than any classes you’ve taken before. (Unless you went to a magnet or college prep school in which case, they’ll probably be about the same if you had a good program).

For everyone who read #3 and thought, “Well duh! I’m here for the party anyway!” My advice to you is that college is much more challenging than anything you’ve done in high school. I feel like I had a pretty good academic transition because I went to a really good magnet school that VERY MUCH prepared me for a college workload. But for most of my peers, I had many conversations about their tough transitions. Like how much reading they had to do on their own because professors don’t usually lecture straight from a textbook. You might have to read 4 chapters and several articles and write a short response paper all for one class and then the professor lectures on topics related to your readings, but with the assumption that you’ve synthesized what you’ve read already and can apply it to the questions she’s raising in class. It’s tough if you haven’t really learned to use any critical or analytical thinking skills in high school. But it’s perfectly possible to do if you really commit to your studies right off the bat. And my next tip is also relevant here.

  1. Talk to your professors—“office hours” are there for a reason.

I was so afraid to go to my professors’ office hours and actually use them to initially, discuss any problems I was having, but even more importantly, get to know them as people and possibly find a mentor in one or more of them. Do you want to be successful after college? Get to know your professors, especially ones in your potential field of study. They’ll be able to show you various road maps to get to where you want to be in life.

  1. Many colleges like to make living difficult for freshman in order to weed out the weak.

My freshman dorm consisted of a tiny attic room with beautiful new furniture (which was great) but the slanted ceilings and ceiling high bookshelves on the desks DID NOT mix and our room ended up being a super cramped, maze of furniture. Oh, and did I mention there was no air-conditioning? I mean, it’s not like Williamsburg is a sweltering swamp for a decent portion of the year or anything.

The key is though not to be discouraged. I lived through some sorely disappointing college living conditions. I always believed my dorm room would look like some colorful bachelorette pad out of Seventeen Magazine or Zoey 101, but I was definitely mistaken. Not even the newest, nicest dorms that only seniors could get ever lived up to my expectations. Part of college is living uncomfortably in order to get the best education for your money.

  1. The Freshman Fifteen is real, but it doesn’t just mean going up in weight. For some people it means down.

I actually lost about 15 pounds as a freshman. I remember going home and all my family trying to force food on me because “I just looked too skinny,” they said. So while I had unlimited meals on my meal plan at the all-you-can-eat buffets, my particular palate and increased exercise of having to walk EVERYWHERE because freshman aren’t allowed cars afforded me a deficit in weight rather than the dreaded and forewarned gain. I think the point though is to really be aware of what you’re putting into and doing with your body and how it’s reacting to it. Take care of yourself! Whether you go up or down or even stay the same in weight, make sure you’re getting enough nutrition and exercise.

  1. Don’t be afraid to try new things—you might find a new love! Or come out with a funny story.

One the greatest things about college is that it’s essentially a clean slate for you in a lot of areas of your life. And because you’re starting fresh, you have the opportunity to try new things without the judgment from old peers or sometimes even family. That might mean experimenting with different forms of worship or religions, learning a new skill, trying out for a choir when you’ve never sung publicly before or even just talking to a stranger who you think you have nothing in common with. You never know what will happen! You might fail, and that’s okay! Everybody fails sometimes. Just don’t stop trying to find what fits you.

  1. Go to class, take notes, use the library, don’t bring your computer to class unless you ABSOLUTELY need it, make study guides, and start working on projects and papers as soon as you hear about them not a week beforehand.

This is my “do your best in school” bullet because the point of going to college in the first place is to better your education and get a degree, and while “finding yourself” is a wonderful addition to the equation, that’s not what college should be all about. Like if you fail your classes but suddenly become the most popular girl in school (something that never would have happened back in high school), well…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. As good as it might feel to have that victory of popularity, there’s no point in going into debt with student loans just so you can “find yourself.” So actually try. There’s a lot to be learned at college!

  1. You can have fun in college without drinking underage.

If you evaluate college based on the media and pop culture, you’d think that part of the college sanctioned orientation involved getting smashed, but I can attest that there’s a lot more to do socially in college than drink. In fact, I never drank any alcohol until my last semester as a senior (when it was completely legal for me to do so) and even then I think over a 2-month period I had about the equivalent of 3.5 drinks. Basically, if you think your college weekends or special events need to involve drinking in order for them to be fun/worthwhile, you should probably reevaluate your priorities. You might find even more fun (and memories you can actually remember) when you take alcohol out of the equation (or at least significantly reduce its impact).

  1. Be sexually smart and safe.

Along with drinking, college is also synonymous with sexual experimentation, but it doesn’t have to be a breeding ground for disease and unwanted pregnancies. To be honest, I’ve never understood the “hook-up” culture. The idea of going to a frat party on a Saturday night, flirting with a guy I may or may not know well, having sex with them by the end of the night, and then doing it all over again with maybe a different guy the next weekend, blows my mind. So while, college looks like this parent-free environment where boys can stay overnight and no one will even care (except perhaps your roommate), you have to realize that just because you have the freedom, doesn’t mean you have to do anything to exercise it. Just remember that your sexual intentions may not always match those of your potential partner, which is why I consider hook-ups dangerous. And also, sex is serious—it increases your risk for disease with the more partners you have and because of our biological history, it intimately ties you to another person. Even if you’re in a monogamous relationship, you still have to weigh the possibility of a break-up and the emotional wreckage it can leave behind. It’s all about being smart and safe with your body. No one else is going to look after you better than you.

  1. Don’t let a relationship ruin your college experience.

Boyfriends. Girlfriends. They’re amazing! They’re awful. They can be a great part of college. Or they can ruin many beautiful memories. My advice here would be to choose your potential significant other carefully because many of your college memories will probably include them. A whirlwind romance is great until you look back on college when you’re 25 and realize you stopped hanging out with your friends or have no good memories from a particular semester because they were all with that one person who eventually ended your relationship with a spectacular but horrifying mushroom cloud of an atomic bomb.

You might find your future spouse at college (I know many couples that did!) or you might just learn more about what you want in a relationship. You might even date someone you think is your soul mate, only to graduate and realize, once outside your little university bubble, you two don’t fit well together in the real world. Who knows? Just remember to do college for you. Not your significant other.

  1. Make friends everywhere, they’ll come in handy.

Colleges usually do a great job during orientation at getting you to meet other students in your hall and having mixers with other student groups, but it stops there unless you make a concentrated effort to meet new people AFTER orientation. This is something I wish I’d done more. I settled into my little social anxiety bubble and didn’t meet many more people unless they were forced upon me because of classes. But don’t be like me! Meet the guy at the coffee shop! Start a conversation with the girl sketching in the quad! Talk to the students sitting around you in that giant lecture class! Not everyone you talk to is going to become your friend, but sometimes just being friendly to people goes a long way. You never know when these acquaintances might be helpful during your college experience.

I hope these 13 tips help as you transition into college or even go back as a sophomore, junior, or senior because it’s never too late to start making new friends or working hard on your education! If I could go back in time, I would do over so many of these things and follow much of my own advice above! Here’s to learning from my mistakes, making your own, and adjusting as you go!

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All the Questions You Still Have After Pretty Little Liars’ #FAcetoFace Reveal

This review contains SPOILERS! Don’t read it if you haven’t watched the finale and don’t blame me for ruining it for you because here I am warning you!

PLL 1We’ve waited for five and half seasons for the BIG REVEAL. We know “Charles” is A, but who the heck is Charles? Season 5 ended with us finding out that A’s real name is Charles DiLaurentis but we all know with Pretty Little Liars that doesn’t actually mean much of anything. We also knew that whoever Charles is, he or she stole the game from Mona at the end of season 2 when she was locked up in Radley. We also questioned whether Mona had been working for “Big A” all along. And of course there were all the questions lingering from the past 5 seasons: Who hit Ali on the head with a rock and caused Mrs. D to bury her own daughter to protect some unknown entity? What was Mrs. D and Bethany’s connection? How did Bethany end up dressed like Ali the night she disappeared and killed/buried alive anyway? Who killed Mrs. Cavanaugh (because we all know it seems too suspicious to really be a suicide)? Who’s the real Red Coat and Black Widow? Who killed Mrs. DiLaurentis?

Pretty Little Liars Season 6A has been boasting itself as the #SeasonofAnswers on social media and that “all will be revealed,” and I think in terms of answering the above questions (except for the one about Mrs. D’s death) it does a good job. It ANSWERS our questions, but for the diehard fans, we’re left with the question, “Are we satisfied with the answers?” I feel like there has been so much build up and red herrings and false A reveals and plot twists that the writers have written themselves into a bit of a hole. So I went into the summer finale with an open mind. Whoever they decided A to be, I was going to be okay with it. I might not like it, or totally understand it, but I’d be okay. I’ve actually been more excited about the 5 year time jump and essential reboot of the show starting with Season 6B in all honesty. But I wanted to go through the 6A finale and see where it leaves us as fans of the PLL universe.

Likes

  1. They actually set out a list of questions that would be answered and then answered them. For a show that likes to trick its viewers repeatedly, I have to give it props for actually doing something it says it’s going to do.
  2. CeCe is A. Of my possible guesses for who A is, CeCe was my number three guess. (With Wren being my number two, and my number one being that this whole series is a delusion of Alison’s while locked up in Radley). I had actually considered a transgender storyline when I heard that they weren’t going to do anything with twins but that they kept introducing clues about another DiLaurentis girl (e.g. the two dresses Ali found as a little girl and Mrs. D told her to lie about). However, I’d heard somewhere that Marlene King said they weren’t going to jump on the transgender bandwagon so I put it out of my mind. But I guess someone lied. It’s not really surprising with PLL.

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  1. CeCe didn’t kill Mrs. D. We still don’t know who killed her (if she just died from a stroke from too much stress over a lifetime of secrets), and I hope that’s answered in whatever crisis seems to have come up in that teaser at the end when they’ve jumped five years in the future.
  2. Toby’s mom didn’t commit suicide! Yay! But didn’t we already all suspect that? What I liked was that it was Bethany who pushed her off, which is what I thought all along.
  3. Mona was the originator of the game not CeCe. I like that the game was legitimately stolen which is something I’ve been questioning all along. I think they did a good job of explaining how it was stolen and making it believable because obviously CeCe is certifiably crazy. There’s a part where she talks about how she thought the game was over after New York when the girls thought A was dead but that it got into her head because she was so good at it that got into her blood. To me that explains the absences of A. We always sort of assumed that A was off plotting his revenge somewhere during these times, but this reveal suggests that maybe A didn’t always want to be A, but it was more of an addiction than a true desire to torture the girls. It felt too good to play with the girls like dolls and how it was affecting them didn’t really matter.
  4. A is a girl. I like that both A reveals have been women. If one or either of the A reveals had been men, I think it would have taken on a different meaning. Like when we thought Ezra was A (and even when we realized he was just a creepy dude spying on the girls for his novel writing purposes), it felt especially violating to me. An adult man torturing teenage girls in this way seems so much sicker than a twenty-something (transgender, not that it really matters) woman. Instead, PLL becomes a story about the pressures and bullying that girls inflict on one another (of course, to a hyperbolic degree).

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Dislikes

  1. Nothing about Mrs. Cavanaugh’s death timeline makes sense. I think where they made the mistake was using adult Ali and Toby in that scene before Mrs. Cavanaugh went into Radley a few season’s ago. Yes, Toby was dressed like a 12 year old with a side part, but no, he did not look like one. But then they cast tween actors for Charles and Bethany for the “Pushing-Mrs.Cavanaugh-Off-the-Roof” scene which I think is how in the timeline it is SUPPOSED to happen, but seems fishy to PLL fans because how could Ali be older looking than her older brother in a scene that was supposed to take place before what was shown in the finale? The person in charge of continuity had to have gotten fired. Whoops!
  2. Sarah just kind of shows up in season 6, but we’re supposed to believe that she’s been Red Coat/Black Widow this whole time. But didn’t she go missing? So she wasn’t locked up in that dollhouse for years? If we were going to have a betrayal like that from a “friend/girlfriend” I would have rather it been Paige, or someone who we’ve been invested in longer.

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  1. The advanced tech room the Liars get locked in to watch CeCe reveal all her secrets to Ali was just weird and over-the-top. Like a motion-detecting camera that starts beeping to show them Red Coat setting up a bomb? Or that holographic video screen?

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  1. Sarah’s line when she doesn’t want to enter the fancy tech room (aka prison room): “I think I’ll stay out here. It seems kind of crowded in there.” And no one’s like, “It’s a trap! She’s working for A!”
  2. The believability of Charles/Charlotte/CeCe’s transition. Do mental institutions let you out to have sex reassignment surgery? It seems like it just “happened,” and Charles “died” and then there was Charlotte. But don’t those things take time? And all kinds of therapy, hormone injections, and money? I know money wasn’t a problem for Mrs. DiLaurentis, but how would Radley have handled the whole situation. I feel like there would have been documentation somewhere.

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  1. CeCe and Jason dating. Just ew. I know she alluded to the fact that they didn’t have any physical relations (“Why do you think he was so frustrated all the time back then?”), but it’s still gross and something they couldn’t have been thinking of when they originally wrote it into the script and had to just kind of gloss over it now.

Questions Still Needing to Be Answered

  1. Who killed Mrs. DiLaurentis? (This must be answered in the next season and half or we shall riot, right?)

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  1. Where did Ian’s body go? I think during “Ali tells all,” we learned that Ali accidentally pushed him or Ian accidentally fell during that fateful night in the church bell tower, but then what happened to his body and who moved it? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t ever think that part of the mystery has been answered.
  2. Who’s the “he” that come back for Ali and the Liars feel the need to protect her from (as suggested in the teaser from 5 years in the future)?
  3. Who is the Mr. to Alison’s Mrs. Rollins? (Technically, this is a new question.)

PLL 8

  1. What happens to CeCe after she admits “game over?”
  2. What the heck was going on with Sarah Harvey? I want all the answers! Is she actually crazy evil? Did she run away from home and somehow get hooked up with CeCe to do her bidding? Was she ever imprisoned in the dollhouse or was it all an act? Is she going to jail? Did she actually like Emily? Is Emily going to figure out any of these answers and actually forgive her?
  3. Is Bethany actually dead? I know, it seems so, but she had such a big part in the downfall of Charles/Charlotte that it seems like a letdown to really admit that she’s dead and can’t cause any more destruction.
  4. Did Mona really kill Bethany? That was a shocking reveal. I was definitely wondering how Bethany ended up unconscious causing Melissa to bury her thinking Spencer had murdered Ali while in a drug-induced, but how has Mona not mentioned to anyone all this time that she bludgeoned a girl in the head with a shovel the night Ali disappeared? Like what?

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So there are probably a hundred more questions I have about Pretty Little Liars that I’m not thinking of right now or haven’t realized yet, but for now I feel a fair amount of catharsis after watching the #FAcetoFace summer finale. It wasn’t the best finale I’ve ever seen, but it satisfied my longing for answers. I suppose we’re not always going to be happy with TV writers (in fact, after 3 seasons, I’m usually quite unhappy with the way most TV shows go). But hey, you take what you get with entertainment!

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Thoughts on Anticipating Change

Anticipating Change 1My life is pretty stable right now. I have a lot going on, but I know what and when all those things are happening and how to deal with them. But I feel bubbling under the surface all the things that are probably going to happen. I’ve been working off and on over the last few months to make major changes in my life (job, city, living situation, finances, etc.) but with little to show for it. I feel though, like most things in my life, it’s all going to come to a head at the same time.

So I’m feeling especially unnerved as I try to make plans. For example, I decided to take on the challenge of VEDA (Vlog Every Day in August) for the first time. I love vlogging, but I do it in big waves or cycles where I film a bunch of videos at one time when I’m free, and then edit them periodically over time as I need to release them. But to film and edit a video in one day every day has seemed extremely daunting to me because I work a full-time job that sucks away the majority of my daytime hours. I’m excited about this new challenge and made the decision to try it because August seemed relatively less booked than the last few months have been, but I have this underlying uneasiness that things are going to blow up in my face soon.

Not that change will be bad. That’s what I’ve been working towards. But change never can come at the “appropriate” time. Because life doesn’t take a break like it does it in school and college where you have definite beginnings and endings to chapters. You can say, “I need a job by this date” and “I’ll have to leave on this date because the semester ends and I have to go home” and no one can blame you. Adult life isn’t so easy. Everything has varying timelines and responsibilities so I feel like I’m always at risk for disappointing someone or screwing up my life royally.

I just want a nice guidebook that says “Go here!” and “Do this on this day!” Wouldn’t that be nice?

But at the same time, all of these uneasy feelings are coming from anticipation of change to come without actual concrete evidence of any change at all. Just whispers and suggestions and possibilities. What good does worrying about it now do? Probably nothing. But if I don’t worry about it now, won’t I be unprepared when or if the time comes? Perhaps, but what’s the likelihood that the scenarios I’m running in my head now will be useful later? Most people tell me to take things one step at a time. And I’m trying to do that, but I’m still not entirely sold on the idea that one step at a time is the right way to go.

However, one step at a time, is probably admittedly better for my health.

All in all, I’m still clinging on for dear life. And I just hope I can weather this next hurricane of change with grace and without drowning.

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